The story I tell myself

Over the Christmas break the luxury of time was mine, which I am so grateful for. But all this extra time, actually brought with it a complication I was not expecting.....being with me and my thoughts....

Now don't get me wrong I love time on my own....usually.... but there were a few factors at play here:

1. My eating was less than healthy and I think this impacted my mind health, giving way to irrational thoughts at times.

2. I read a lot....both novels for pleasure and escape and educational for well, self improvement.

When I read, I often day dream and lets be honest, I had lots of time to hear my thoughts. And they were not always positive ones...self doubt, worry and even anxiety crept in.

Being with yourself is on one hand the key and on the other hand the lock. You can open up doors of enlightenment or be trapped in rooms with scary old fear.

One way to overcome this was to write down all the emotions, ideas, thoughts, leanings and quotes. But not the usual journal writing at which I don't do well, being my most unsuccessful new years resolutions, yes resolutions as I have tried this one more than a few times. I rock until about January 7th, when I find many reasons to justify my story around the toughness of commitment to journal.......

This time a wise friend (thank you beautiful Ali), guided me to a sketch pad and coloured textas... a revelation... the words flowed easier, as I could choose a single word or sentence, which then flowed to another word/feeling/thought and before I knew it I had a page of my thoughts in front of me. Which meant:

1. I could reflect on how I felt about the situation/thought/feeling and it was no longer trapped in my head making it's way on another loop of the super thought highway (my crazy train).

2. The words on the paper were a representation of the story I was telling myself (ahhh Brene Brown you living legend!!) and looking at them freed me to look again with fresh eyes and choose (yes I have a choice) to change the story.....ahh the freedom is intoxicating.

3. The re-tell of this story gives me the opportunity to begin conversations with people around me of the story I have been telling myself about situations. Which can often be so far from the actual truth that it's frightening. Whilst the action of having this conversation is being vulnerable (again Brene Brown) and scary, it is also empowering and trust building.

I am so pleased and grateful for the opportunity of this amazing time with myself. An all the uncomfortable bits, learning and self discovery it has brought with it.

I also now schedule twice a week self discovery time to watch a TED talk, and fresh approach journal my learning or thoughts or feeling or truth be told my story and reflect. And I love this process - the challenge the uncomfortableness and the rewrite!